


a love like an old home

by Rowantreeisme



Category: Marvel (Comics), Marvel 616
Genre: Angst, Avalon Protocol, Avengers Vol. 1 (1963), Early in Canon, Grief/Mourning, Identity Reveal, M/M, Pining, Pre-Steve Rogers/Tony Stark, Secret Identity, Steve Rogers Needs a Hug, holy shit what's happened to Tony?
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-10
Updated: 2020-06-10
Packaged: 2021-03-04 06:20:25
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,864
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24639034
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Rowantreeisme/pseuds/Rowantreeisme
Summary: Iron Man goes missing. Tony Stark hasn't been heard from in days.A package shows up at the mansion's doorstep.Inside it, there's a videotape with Avalon written on the side and a note stuck to the top that says, "watch me first."
Relationships: Steve Rogers & Janet Van Dyne, Steve Rogers/Tony Stark
Comments: 20
Kudos: 184
Collections: Team Angst





	a love like an old home

**Author's Note:**

> For the stevetony games, team angst! the bingo square this fills is Avalon Protocol, and the bonus prompt for this is "you gave me a home."  
> Title is from "Bury Me Smiling" by the Ballroom Thieves  
> Warning explanation in the endnotes.

Jan popped the tape in, and they all held their breath as the video loaded. 

“Hello, Avengers.” 

Steve’s breath caught. There was Iron Man — on a screen, granted, but it was still  _ him,  _ even if he was wearing a slightly older model of armour — so that must mean that he was ok. This video, whatever it was, it must be Iron Man’s way of telling them that he was alright. Iron Man was going to explain why he’d disappeared, why everyone seemed to think he was dead, and everything would be ok again. 

“There’s going to be a lot of things I have to tell you right now.” Iron Man continued, and Steve — Steve normally was fairly good at reading Iron Man’s emotions from his posture and his tone of voice, modulated and hidden as it was, better at it than some of the team, he thought, and yet right now, in this video Iron Man had recorded maybe only hours ago, Steve couldn’t figure out  _ what _ Iron Man was feeling. 

Iron Man’s shoulders slumped, just barely, and there was a small hiss of static, a sound familiar as Iron Man’s sigh. 

_ Poor guy,  _ Steve thought, felt a deep rush of sympathy even as the relief he felt at seeing Iron Man alive and well — if on screen —  _ he must’ve had such a rough time, these last couple of days.  _

“But—” Iron Man said, “I think I should start with the reason for this video. Better to get things like this over with, right?” 

_ There’s that sense of humor _ , Steve thought, even as he felt Jan’s hand come to rest on his shoulder — he didn’t bother looking at them, his eyes too fixed on the video —  _ He’s fine. If he’s joking, he must be fine. In just a second, he’s going to tell us he’s fine, and where he is, and how we can help him.  _

Iron Man sighed, again — and there it was, that weird, distant posture that Steve couldn’t figure out how to read — and something about this was wrong, Steve was sure, but that feeling in the back of his skull was getting buried beneath relief and the almost adrenaline-like determination which came from being just about ready to receive a mission brief. Maybe, he thought, he should send someone to get the jet ready, so that they could get to Iron Man as soon as they knew what the situation was. 

“So.” Iron Man said, squared his shoulders like he was facing down a threat. “If you’re all watching this, if you have this video—” Janet squeezed his shoulder, and Steve barely noticed it “-- then I’m dead.” 

_ That’s not what you were supposed to say, _ Steve thought. 

“I’m so, so sorry.” Iron Man continued, on-screen —  _ that’s _ why the armor was older, because Iron Man had recorded this months ago, years ago, maybe — “But this was always inevitable. I knew— I’ve known for a long time that either this job or my heart—” His  _ heart?  _ What was wrong with Iron Man’s heart? This didn’t make any sense, this had to be a horrible joke, or a mistake, maybe it was a nightmare, because Iron Man couldn’t be dead and Steve wasn’t feeling like he’d just woken up from the ice again “-- was going to kill me. Maybe it’s been years since I’ve recorded this message. Maybe the Avengers watching this aren’t even the same Avengers that make up my team. Maybe it’s been a month. Either way, I’m dead, and I’m sorry, and I am… honored to have been able to work with you. With all of you. And I don’t—” Iron Man leant forewards, that familiar fierce determination showing in his posture and his voice and… he couldn’t be gone, he couldn’t, he was  _ Iron Man _ , he couldn’t just… be  _ gone, _ “I do not regret being an Avenger. Even if it killed me, even if being Iron Man is the reason i’m dead. I don’t regret it. It’s the best thing I’ve ever done.” 

“Oh, Shellhead—” Jan breathed, and her voice was horribly, horribly wet, and her hand was tight on Steve’s shoulder, and she had, Steve thought, had realized what this video was going to contain before he had. 

Iron Man made a small noise, audible even through the helmet, and Steve couldn’t tell if it was a laugh or a sob. “All that aside,” He said, “I have something else to apologize for.”

Iron Man ducked his head, raised both gauntleted hands to his helmet, and then — Steve was holding his breath, without really meaning to, because if Iron Man was doing what Steve thought he was doing, then Steve was going to get to see his face, Steve was going to see what the man he was in love with really looked like and he would never get to see it with his own two eyes because Iron Man was  _ dead _ — he pulled off the helmet. 

His hair was dark. That’s the first thing Steve noticed. Iron Man’s head was still ducked, and all Steve could see of him was his hair — dark, dark hair, longer than Steve’s own and with a little bit of curl to it — and Steve was struck with how soft it looked. 

Steve was never going to get to know how soft Iron Man’s hair was. 

Because Iron Man was dead. 

And then Iron Man raised his head, looked directly into the camera with those blue, blue eyes of his, and— 

He was Tony Stark. 

“Hello.” Iron Man —  _ Tony _ — repeated, a wry quirk to his lips. A small smile, trembling like he was trying to suppress a frown. 

_ His eyes are the same _ . Steve thought.  _ He has the same eyes, and I never even noticed _ ,  _ and now he’s dead, oh God, he’s dead _ . 

“I figured I should tell you all, who I really was.” Tony was saying, and his eyes were downcast, nearly hidden by his lashes. “You were going to find out that I’m— that I  _ was _ Iron Man eventually. You all would’ve noticed that Tony Stark had disappeared after Iron Man had died, and now that I’m dead… well, there’s really no use keeping it a secret anymore, is it?” Tony shakes his head, that same sad smile still present on his face. “I thought it would be… not better, maybe, but… kinder. To tell you myself.” He paused, and straightened, the smile disappearing from his face. No more nostalgia, no more sadness, just business. Tony Stark, Steve thought, must have a hell of a poker face. “ So… now you know. And once again, i’m sorry. There should be information for you, in the package this tape was delivered with. About… funding, and tech and things that have to happen now that I’m dead. Funerals, things like that. A will. You don’t have to leave the mansion, not if you don’t want. I made sure of that. It’s yours.”

_ I don’t care about the mansion, I want you back _ , Steve thinks, and something draws up tight in his chest, burning in his throat, and he can hear the others talking, see them moving around but he’s rooted in place and all of his focus is fixed on Tony in the video,  _ you gave me a home, don’t— don’t go, don’t take that from me, please, you can’t. _

Tony drops his gaze. It’s not in frame, but Steve thinks that he’s looking at the helmet. “So.” He says. “That’s it.” He looks up, takes a deep breath, and — oh God — when he blinks Steve can see a tear, hanging in the corner of his eye. For the last time, this is “Iron Man, signing off.”

The video goes dark, cuts to grainy static. 

Jan’s hand is still on Steve’s arm, curled around his bicep. 

Steve shakes her off, and without looking back, strides out of the room. 

\---

Jan came and found him, later. 

It was late, late enough that he should have been asleep. He should sleep, because whoever killed Iron Man might come for the Avengers next, and if that happened Steve should be well-rested and ready for a fight. 

He couldn’t sleep. He couldn’t possibly even try to sleep, not now, not when Iron Man was dead, not when Tony Stark was dead, not when it felt like his whole world had come crashing down around his shoulders. It felt like it had when he’d woken up from the ice, when the Avengers had told him that it had been two decades since the war. 

He had felt empty then, too. 

“Cap?” Jan asked, poking her head around the doorway of the meeting room, “Are you busy?” 

Steve paused the video, turned to look at her. “No.” He said. His voice sounded flat, even to him. “I’m not busy. What did you need, Wasp?”

“I—” Jan said, cut herself off, took a step into the room. Steve saw the moment when she saw what he was watching, because her face crumpled, and when she next looked at Steve her eyes were wide and full of sympathy. “I wanted to see if you were ok.” She continued, voice soft. “But… I think it’s fairly obvious that… none of us are. And I think… you and Iron Man — Tony — had something… more. And I thought that… maybe you might want to talk. Or if you need a shoulder to cry on…” 

Jan trailed off, taking a couple more steps into the room to rest her hand on the side of Steve’s chair, and she was speaking so much softer than she normally did, quiet and careful as if Steve  _ needed _ that gentleness, and maybe if it wasn’t so late, and maybe if he hadn’t spent the last hours watching and rewatching the video Iron Man — Tony — had sent them, maybe he would’ve resented that gentleness. 

As it was… 

Steve  _ broke _ , and he heard Jan huff out a breath as he fell forewards, his face pressed into her stomach as he let out a loud, ugly-sounding sob. It only took a moment for Jan to return the hug, and it wasn’t the hug he wanted, it wasn’t the embrace he’d longed for nearly as long as he’d been in this time, and all Steve could do was sob, and sob, and sob. 

“Oh,  _ Steve, _ ” Jan said, and Steve sucked in a breath, held it and then was forced to let it out in another painful sob. 

“He—” Steve whispered, in between gasps, “He was my best friend. My— I don’t think I’ve ever felt—” Steve cut off, loosened his hold on Jan, looked up at her, helpless and unable to keep any of the words back. “I loved him.” He admitted, throat thick, “I loved him—”

“ _ Steve—”  _ Jan said, tone agonized, and Steve cut her off. 

“I was going to tell him.” He said, looked down at his hands, folded in his lap. “I was— I was going to tell him I loved him. And now—”

Steve was cut off by another sob, and let his head fall into his hands, muffled his next words. Jan’s hand was small and very warm on his shoulder. 

“Now I’m never going to get to.” 

**Author's Note:**

> Content Notes: There is no death scene in this fic. The MCD tag is because the avengers receive a tape after Iron Man has been missing for a little while that is a "play in case I die" tape, in which Iron Man/Tony reveals his identity. At the end of the fic, Tony/Iron Man has not returned. This is the reason for the MCD tag.   
> However, if you wish to take this with the lens of "the tape being sent was a mistake, and Tony will come back and have to deal with everyone now knowing his identity", go for it! That was the original idea, I just didn't want to make this fic longer then it had to be for the fill. 
> 
> This fic is highly inspired by Mizzy's fic "let none be content with me" based on the one part in it where Tony tells the avengers that if Iron Man died, he wouldn't be the ones telling them about it, for obvious (though unknown) reasons, and I thought, well, what if he did set up a video to be played upon his death?  
> 


End file.
